Op-Ed
Going bald is the new bold move
Oxford's residential baldies — Boris Billiams, Donald Dodges, Navy Nifton, Sabid Sanderson, and Mober Muyin — consistently grace the school environment with their uplifting presence and fresh appearance. Without a single hair ever out of, or in, place, they bring a new meaning to professionalism. With their heads always shining and appearing fresh in their business-casual attire, the teachers are prepared everyday to educate and enrich young minds.
"It's very important for you to look sharp, you know," Muyin said. "I do that by keeping my head as shiny as the face of my wristwatch."
Oxford Academy's teachers are optimistic about their hairstyle choices and the potential positive influences it can have on the school's student body; they continually encourage students to venture into the world of baldness by being exemplary models of the hairstyle.
"I love being bald; it sets me apart from the other teachers and my head acts like a beacon of reflected light for those around me," Sanderson said.
The lack of hair extinguishes the harrowing worries that befall students every morning; instead of fretting about bed hair or tangled curls, the baldies merely have to rub a little bit of lotion on their head. Prep time in the morning to fix one's hair is non-existent and students will have up to 20 more minutes to sleep in in the mornings.
"It's really a great habit, moisturizing the top of your head. Because it's the direct target of sunlight, it tends to get dry pretty quickly. My personal favorite is L'Occitane Shea Butter," Dodges commented.
Furthermore, students will never have to worry about annoying locks of hair escaping their ears and restricting their vision in crucial points during games or studying. Instead, simply go for a full chop and allow the scalp to see the sunlight and experience the fresh breeze.
"After a devastating loss when I missed the shot due to a stray hair in my eye, I decided to go bald. Best decision of my life; I haven't missed a single point since." Nifton said, speaking about his harrowing experience playing in the NBA finals.
Beyond being an iconic and fantastic fashion statement, the lack of hair is convenient too. Oxford's bald teachers lack of hair reflects the sun, creating better ambiance and lighting on campus — aiding the solar panels powering the school's electricty.
"So many people have told me that it's like an angelic halo whenever I step into the room." Billiams said.
One thing's for sure; a constant beacon on top of one's head makes these teachers unforgettable. Being bald is the new it-girl statement; not only is it eye-catching, it gets the job done in lighting up an otherwise daily, monotone life.
However, some students are still concerned about the drawbacks of the increasingly popular trend, such as their heads getting too cold, or peers being able to see the sweat glinting on top of their heads due to the hot, California sun. Billiams suggests wearing hats or beanies as a solution to this problem.
Due to the host of benefits showcased by Oxford's teachers in being bald, Oxford Academy plans to make going bald a requirement for the admissions process. Not only does Oxford encourage its current students to cut off all their hair to improve blood circulation and "allow their brain to think better," the official admissions office plans to incorporate baldness to the testing for Oxford. Oxford fears no repercussions despite initial pushbacks.
"You see, Oxford's known to be so academically rigorous and advanced that there is quite literally nothing that will stop parents from forcing their children to apply here," Dodges said. "Even if that means that their children will be bald for the next six years."
Either way, upcoming students should not fear the outcomes of going bald. Once admitted, they will face great support and commonality from not just the original teachers who started the trend at Oxford, but from the student body who listened to the profound advice of the five revolutionaries. After all, they have proven that baldies are the new baddies.