The ultimate ranking of bathrooms for phone scrolling

d1slacker, Staff Writer — April 22, 2025

(Illustrated by Trevonté DeShawnington III)

You're sitting in a cramped stall, phone volume barely audible. Your teacher thinks you're "refilling your water bottle," but you know the truth: you're there to scroll through social media. Regardless of your entertainment option, the proper lavatory makes all the difference, and the most critical lesson at Oxford is identifying the best bathroom to consume brainrot.

The 200 Building ★★☆☆☆
Quiet, clean, and private, the science building's bathroom is the luxury suite of campus stalls and the go-to place to lose track of time, rethink life choices, and binge-watch your TikTok feed.

Unfortunately, everyone knows this. With a 100-foot line stretching down the stairs to the gym, there's nearly a reservation system to even set foot into the coveted restroom. Sadly, the bathroom's high demand defeats the purpose of a quick scroll session, diminishing its true potential as a good mid-bio break.

The 300 Building ★★★☆☆
The 300 building's bathroom is all about function over flair. It's rarely crowded, easy to slip into between classes, and perfect for a quick dopamine recharge after a grueling Spanish lesson. However, every drip and drop echoes like you're performing at Coachella, so forget privacy if someone walks in.

There's a limited number of stalls, but with a decent signal, it's perfect for speed scrolling in a time crunch. The Damut recommends this bathroom for brain rot-deprived passing periods or when 5-Star is clocking you in for your 5-minute break.

The Gym Bathrooms ★★★☆☆
The Gym bathroom stalls are pure Russian Roulette. Empty and serene one minute, overrun with P.E. students the next. If you time it right, it's private bliss, perfect for peaceful moments of phone time. If you miss the window? You'll be scrolling next to someone fumigating the room with deodorant.

Strangely enough, the gym bathrooms boast the best signals on campus with instantly loading texts and bufferless Reels. However, strong signals don't make up for sensory chaos. Combined with the stench of unwashed gym clothes, it's a lot to handle for even the most seasoned scroller.

The Music Bathroom ★★★★☆
Tucked away in the music building, this bathroom offers one of the most peaceful scrolling experiences on campus. With its single stall and open window serving as the only reminder of the outside world, it's solitary confinement for phone addicts.

It's spacious and free from the usual distractions of other restrooms, except for one major wildcard: the music room itself. If you time your visit well, you'll be treated to an impressive wind ensemble rehearsal as the soundtrack to your scrolling. Catch the wrong class, however, and you'll need to brace yourself for the off-key screeches of beginner band battling for dominance.

Oxford, each bathroom offers a unique scrolling experience. Whether you prioritize privacy, signal strength, or sheer luck, each restroom has risks and rewards. Yet, remember to always have an escape plan, as no Instagram Reel is worth explaining a 30-minute bathroom break to your teacher.