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United States to mandate behavior charts
After a unanimous 8-1 vote from the justices, the new 28th amendment was ratified, and has joined the rest in aims to increase overall positive behavior across the country, since according to lead justice Ryan Reynolds, traditional standards were just "not giving."
"If it works for toddlers, it must work for American citizens," said clinical psychologist Sigma-nd Freud. "Jail is just kind of boring. We need to return to the primal fear of kindergarten."
All police immediately underwent new training to respect the policy change, replacing all arms with state-of-the-art wood-plated clips and selling military tanks to afford millions of technicolor behavior charts. They also purchased multi-colored reading rugs for their breakroom to match the occasion.
The new strict regulations are jeopardizing millions of Americans as chart statuses become prerequisites for home loans, jobs, and college admissions.
"I got rejected from Silly Goose University because my clip was on Orange" said Irrelevant-Oxford-Student, "It's ridiculous what these laws have done to our nation and my future— I have to go to Harvard now."
A Silly Goose admissions counselor later revealed in a public statement that the clip was, in fact, not the deciding factor, but rather "various instances of slurs" and having "hate crimes against chickens" that they declined to share further on.
Homeowners also shared their struggles with the new amendment, finding the unpredictable nature of the behavior charts challenging.
"I stepped on a dog's tail by accident, and they revoked the loan for my mortgage," said Yore Maum, "Realistically I deserved worse... do you think my dog will let me move into his dog house with him?"
Criminals took the hardest blow from the system, as many have claimed to suffer immense emotional distress after receiving "parent contact" when their clip was moved to the very bottom of the chart. A group of them then created a petition to attempt to abolish the "cruel and unusual punishments" of behavior charts violating the eigth amendment.
"Bring back jail time," said Shawn Brush, more popularly known as "T. Riddy." "I went from kid contact to parent contact, and I simply wasn't ready for this new world. Miranda, Drake, Leonardo, and I are all truly shaken. "
The petition did not gain much traction considering its creators, not to mention high school students, took an unexpected liking to the new ordinances, partially due to the efforts of teachers. A conversation chain praising the system received 1,269,431 upvotes on reddit from underage users.
To make behavior charts less fear-inducing for the weak Gen Z population, teachers renamed the categories in the charts to build incentives for the already failing generation.
"My clip is currently at "That's that me Espresso," said Mikayla Boo. "I just went up from "chill guy." I think it's time for me to cure cancer now."