Sports
Exposing Ms.CARson's fast & felonious golf cart drag racing ring
According to eyewitness accounts, the ring had initially started after Ms. CARson gave an injured student and his friends a lift out of P.E. class. Although the students remain unnamed, a fellow anonymous witness reported that the group had felt so invigorated by the ride that they began to sneak onto the cart after school hours to challenge each other in races around the track.
When Ms. CARson caught on, she didn't shut it down— she joined in. Dominating races at record-breaking speeds, she became a legend amongst students. She even struck a deal with them; they would be allowed to continue racing if they let her lead the ring— and of course keep a watchful eye to make sure everyone was safe.
From there, the ring began to expand further. More students joined, racers began to form teams, and new racing courses, not just on the track, were developed.
"I was having an amazing time, learning how to race and modify the golf cart to my advantage... really it was just feeding my competitive spirit while also teaching me engineering and physics," an unnamed participant said.
According to Principal Dallas, allegations of the ring first surfaced in March of this year. Investigations began later that month when modifications that seemed abnormal for a vehicle with a top speed of 15 mph were spotted.
"We noticed a lot of unprecedented talk over drag racing and started to see a lot of random racing helmets and gear, as well as strange tire marks around the campus," Principle Dallas said. "It was definitely unusual, and we needed to figure out what was going on".
Administrators finally put the puzzle together when an office TA— ironically, Susie McSpeedster, the ring's top racer— was overheard discussing her upcoming race. Reportedly, a parent, thinking it was an official school sport and a good resume booster for their child, heard her and asked Principal Dallas about it.
When questioned by Dallas, Susie cracked under the pressure and came clean. Surveillance footage, catching Ms. CARson speeding through the school on her cart, later confirmed the TA's testimony.
Although Ms. CARson refused to comment, students remain in solidarity with her.
"Honestly, the ring did no harm because Ms. CARson was always performing her duties as Campus Safety Aide. The ring helped garner school spirit and AP physics enrollment doubled because students wanted to learn how to go faster in their races. Oxford should really consider making it an actual sport." said an unnamed racer.
With the golf cart now taken by Oxford administration and impounded, the future of Oxford Drag Racing is unclear. Students rally together to petition the implementation of drag racing as an official sport at the school and return of Ms. CARson as their advisor, it's clear they aren't ready to let either go just yet.