Date spots on, around campus for unlicensed individuals

Scheming Eunuch, Redditor in Chief — April 22, 2025

(Illustrated by Scheming Eunuch)

Let's face it— it's pretty impossible to get some privacy around Oxford Academy with your special someone, especially for those who are not blessed with a driver's license or a car. Away from the prying eyes of judgemental classmates and for intimate one-on-one conversations about teenage life (or just sucking face), the Damut has got you covered with this list of within walking-distance date spots.

The English building book room:
A room unknown to many underclassmen, this underground spot is a bit of a tight squeeze. For lucky English TA's, you can acquire the key through innocent means, such as the pretense of retrieving a stack of required reading or re-organizing the Shakespeare section out of goodwill. You can even pretend to have fallen into a shelf of Animal Farm hardbacks if caught by a teacher. The book room prevents nosy students from interrupting your special time — but the smell of mildewed paper may be offputting.

The zen garden:
For those who appreciate the beauty of scattered stones trampled by hundreds of sneakers and the spherical yet completely non-functional fountain, take to the zen garden for serenity and conversation. Swing hands merrily as you walk over the useless wooden bridge, reminiscing on the days when the fountain actually had running water. This spot is perfect for couples that dwell in the back of the History building; surprise your date afterschool with this not-so-hidden gem just feet away.

The Cypress library concrete underpass:
It doesn't get any more intimate than this! Like generations of OA couples before you, consider trekking across the street to the Cypress library for a secret conversation in the concrete underpass (barring occasional dance practices taking place there), or maybe even to get some homework done. The Cypress library parking lot especially serves chronic DoorDashers well, allowing you to treat your partner to cuisine beyond 90630 with a convenient dropoff spot.

The baseball dugout:
Perhaps even more traditional than canoodling at the library across the street, Oxford couples should spend at least one date in the grime of Oxford's baseball dugout. For those that enjoy the earthly things in life, like the beauty of mother nature, making out amidst bugs and cobwebs of the dugout makes for a meditative (albeit itchy) experience. The Damut wouldn't recommend doing this during baseball season, though.

Chuze Cypress parking lot:
While entering Chuze Fitness may be daunting due to the sheer amount of fellow Patriots you will see pumping iron in P.E. clothes, the parking lot itself is the perfect place to loiter. The benches outside of Chuze and the nail salon is the perfect date spot, especially if you and your boo enjoy people-watching. If you get peckish, scrounge up crumpled dollar bills and head on over to Bruster's Ice Cream, where hopefully a benevolent Handy Ah is on the clock and will give you an extra scoop.

We've all been there (or wish we have, anyways). Trying to find a secluded spot on our miniscule petri dish of a socially and romantically inept campus is like trying to find a needle in a haystack, or your expensive water bottle at the lost-and-found (We hate to break it to you, but somebody stole it already). Use these helpful suggestions to rid Oxford's campus of one less embarrassing underclassmen couple trying to caress each other's faces in front of us all!