Top 3 recession indicators

courtjester, hooting&hollering editor — April 1, 2026

Caption: (Collage by courtjester)

Things are getting bad again. The average paycheck is not stretching as far anymore as people are feeling the burden of rising costs and shrinking purchasing power. Economists will talk about declining consumer confidence or two consecutive quarters of negative GDP growth, but by the time those numbers come out, it's already too late. Luckily, you don't need a PhD in economics, or even a five on the AP Micro exam, to spot the warning signs.

1) Woke is back
Nothing signals economic downturn quite like the resurgence of 2016 or 2020 pandemic-era discourse. Buzzfeed quizzes are circulating again, and everyone, even your apolitical uncle, is ready to vote for Obama for a third term. Old tweets from the Twitter graveyard are being unearthed, and every week there's a new problematic celebrity on the timeline that everyone has an unsolicited opinion about. When the economy is unraveling, at least the world is returning back to its rightful political equilibrium, complete with thoughtful think pieces and 12-slide Instagram infographics.

2) LinkedIn delusion
After waves of mass layoffs and the job market seemingly collapsing, new graduates and seasoned professionals alike are turning towards less conventional means of employment, from launching AI-study app startups to volunteering for the military or a monk-lifestyle. The 2026 summer trip to Japan won't pay for itself after all. LinkedIn has become the hottest social media platform, filled with hustle culture manifestos and inspirational captions on hiking collages. The typical four-year college pathway is gone; everyone is extending to Master's, or PhDs, or piling on additional certifications. Maybe next next year's job market will be our year.

3) Maximum security Khia Asylum
With Bebe Rexha threatening to release music and Ariana's ponytail going on hiatus, the music industry is in containment mode. The charts are either dominated by aggressively patriotic country songs about trucks, experimental noise, or nostalgic 2012 pop hits extracted straight out of the Pitch Perfect soundtrack — and absolutely nothing in between. Not even the best Soundcloud rappers or indie bedroom popstars can save us from industry plants and AI-generated lyrics. There will not be a song of the summer this year.

In short, everything is currently a recession indicator. Maybe you should save that $7 coffee for another day.